THINGS TO CONSIDER BEFORE MARRIAGE

Asalamualaykum Warahmatullah, 

The hot topic of conversations lately = Marriage. 

As it is a significant part of a persons life, we might as well get down into conversation about what is really important about marriage!

We can spend hours talking about what we want to look for in a guy etc. But are we only looking forward to marriage for the kids and the relationship? 

Its surely more than that. 

In a video that I watched recently, it described looking for a partner as similar to hunting for a needle in a haystack which is risky, because we could pick up part of the hay and think its the needle, which may not be the case. 

Whether you are religious or not, surely it is important to please yourself first, and make sure we are where we want to be as people before wanting to seek out someone to be with?

As Muslims we are taught in Islam to be the best wives, with the best characters, by reading the Quran, completing our prayers, fulfilling our duties which has been instructed upon us by Allah. 

By abiding by this philosophy, it generally makes more sense when we look at it from a different perspective. 

Imagine this: when you see someone who has good character, who doesn't come across like they have a hidden agenda, who is genuine and respects themselves, who don't feel as though they need to wear clothes that shape their body or wear make-up that changes the way they look. Or if you are a woman, you would probably like a man who takes care of himself but isn't self obsessed. This is known to lead to a happier life. 

An important point to remember, is IT IS NOT ABOUT AESTHETICS. 

This wont last. Just like everything, it is temporary, at the end of the day, if you choose someone over the way they look, there will always be someone who looks better. 

We need to respect ourselves so that others can respect us. Not be used and abused. 

There are some people who only show you what they want to show you, this doesn't mean that this is the real them. This goes from looks to character. 

When you spend enough time with someone, even a friend, you begin to see aspects of them that you may not particularly like, therefore you begin to question them. This is the same for every relationship. 

You can think you know someone and feel obliged to marry them straight away, only to later complain because you found out that they are not the same person. 

This is why it is important to place value on things that we know need to be valued.

This is why introduction processes should start the way they were intended - with respect. 

Through the awareness of those who look after us such as our parents, or brother. Those who can guide us before you fall in love before you genuinely know a person. 

Moving through the process in a way that wont hurt us in the long run. 

The decisions that we make now, could potentially reflect on the type of person we marry. Are we genuinely role models for our potential children?

My mother used to tell me, that the way you are will be how your child is. If you are secretive, you wont feel its hurt until you have had your child.

Similarly, the way you treat your mother, is how your child will treat you. But we dont think of these things. 

We need to be very conscious and very careful.