AM I CRAZY?

Asalmualaykum Warahmatullah,

Firstly, I'd like to apologise for the lack of posts lately. 

This week has been jam packed and exhausting. 

This blog post is going to be talking about 'mental illness'.

I have often wondered if we all suffer with some form of mental illness during some point in our lives.

I feel as though the more I get older, the more people I realise, have gone through some sort of mental break down.

I use the word 'mental' to highlight the fact that we cannot see the pain that others suffer with. It is not immediately apparent to us that more people than we think are suffering because there is no physical wound.

I'll share with you my story.

It all started when I was in year 13 (last year of sixth form/college) after the christmas holidays. 

Because I had initially experienced failing some subjects, I was adamant never to do that again. 

Come christmas holidays, I spent the entirety of the two weeks, couped up in my room, not leaving unless its to go to the toilet or to eat. Even when I ate, I brought the food to my room and continued to work. 

The day before my exam, I suddenly felt exhausted mentally, and almost felt like after all of that work, I could not be bothered to do my exams. However, I stuck to it.

I felt so exhausted after, that I was not ready to jump straight into work again. But back then, there was no break between your January exams and the preparation for the summer exams. 

I just felt like I needed a break, but that didn't come because I had to start working for the summer exams. Every year, my birthday has been smack-bang in the middle. However, turning 18 was the worst for me. My mind was everywhere, I was thinking about my exams, turning 18 and being almost 20! Which meant 10 years from 20, which meant 20 years from 40, which meant that I only had to live the amount of years that I've already lived before Im 'old'. I forgot how long time was. I couldn't see time! I felt like it was running and I couldn't catch it. I was thinking about moving for uni. I overthought e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g.

As the exams approached, and studying started up again, I remember sitting at my desk in my room then it was like a trigger went off in my head and I felt like I was going crazy.

Actually insane.

I felt like my entire conscious barrier that stops what is appropriate and what isn't, crumbled. 

Disappeared. 

I could no longer control my thoughts. In two seconds I was gone, I couldn't sit still, I needed to pinch  myself to try and distract my thoughts but nothing worked. 

Its hard to explain, but my dark thoughts were Islamic based. I felt like I didn't know enough to help myself.

I call it my lost period.

I no longer wanted to be in my room, it made me sick.

I was caught pacing downstairs by my mum even though I can hardly remember how long I was there for. I think I scared my mum because she caught me in the pitch black darkness in the middle of the night just walking in circles. 

It got to the point where I felt like if I was to open my mouth, all the bad stuff that was going on in my head was going to tumble out.

I forgot how to communicate with people.

I didn't know how I ever made conversation with anyone. 

I just forgot.

I started forcing myself to spell Allah using my tongue across my teeth.

I started trying to focus all my energy into making sure I knew who Allah was to me. 

I had to use so much mental strength to try and envision what I was, who I was.

It was like rebuilding myself up with the constant force of evil pushing against me. 

It was like I was trying to close a door but pushing against an army of strong men who were trying to keep the door open. 

I thought I was a lost cause. 

I tried to find help but never found it.

I tried to communicate but no-one understood.

I tried to describe it but it came out light.

Even self-harm crosses your mind, aoothobillah.

Anything to get rid of these thoughts, these evil thoughts.

May Allah protect us all!

I could barely concentrate on my exams, I didn't know how to feel about university.

I didn't know how to feel at all.

Slowly but surely I started forcing myself. 

Fighting to figure out how to push my mental gate back up.

Learn more, fight more. 

Everyone thought I was normal, that I was fine. But I wasn't.

I tried to make my mind strong again, by reading, by watching videos.

I was worried about going to uni because I wasn't sure how I was going to communicate with anyone because I had developed this thing where if was to converse with anyone, in the middle of the conversation something would happen and I was scared that I would voice the thought in the middle of the conversation without warning. So I would have to have a break mid conversation to collect my thoughts before continuing. 

To this day, its a constant battle. To this day, I worry about stress. 

It does make you stronger, but it makes you wary. 

I never want to go there again. I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy.

You can never fully explain a mental process. You can never do the experience justice. 

All you can do is warn people the events leading up to the situation and how to avoid it.

Nothing is more important than your health. Not even success. 

HURT HAPPENS

Asalamualaykum Warahmatullah,

There is an anonymous saying: 'Pain is Inevitable, Suffering is Optional."

I can't imagine that anyone can go through life without being hurt at least once.

Whether its physically, mentally or emotionally. 

Whether its by someone you know, or you don't know.

Whether its by someone or by something. 

I feel like I am a stubborn person.

I find it hard to let go. I find it hard to forgive and forget. 

I feel like I am more likely to forget than forgive, when it shouldn't be like that. 

It should be to forgive. I guess that is why in Islam forgiving is so important, because it is hard!

Sometimes I feel like what someone is hurt by, generally is a reoccurring situation. Be it through your imperfections, or through family ties.

When something happens, I don't think of it as 'hurt'. It generally is something that gets me down or angry or something, but 'hurt' doesn't automatically jump into my mind.

There are some things in my life that I am definitely holding on to, but forcing myself to let go. 

It's almost like holding someones hand when you are being pulled away, slowly, the grip becomes looser.

But I can definitely say that you live and you learn. 

You get better and you adapt.

But it does shape you.

Everything in life shapes you.

Whether its good or bad.

But we are who we are as a result of our experiences, our drives. 

What we do should be for a purpose. We should try to please Allah.

May Allah make it easier, make us spiritually stronger. 

Ameen 

4 FUNNIEST MOMENTS WITH MY BROTHER

Asalamualaykum Warahmatullah,

Today I thought I would talk about my brother and I.

Although there is one year and seven months between us, I would say we are rather like twins than him being my older brother. 

I would probably say that people think I'm the eldest (and one of my stories will highlight this fact). 

So here are the 4 funniest moments with my brother:

1. I would probably say that this is one of THE funniest moments in my life. One day, my brother and I were chilling, and somehow got onto the topic of his jet black beard. He was telling me how he had forgotten what it was like to not have a beard. So I told him that I have something called the 'concealer' which is used to hide imperfections on the skin, but i'm sure that it can conceal the beard too. He told me that if the plan ends successfully, that he was going to wear that particular makeup everyday to school after that. 

So we ran upstairs to my room and I got my cheap magazine makeup down, and started applying it to his beard. After I had almost finished my concealer (which I had owned for years before that), I realised that it wasn't exactly making a difference, if anything he now had a brown beard. In that very instant, I had developed a great plan, that required no brain power whatsoever.

I saw my lipstick! My brother then asked me what I was doing, and I said that the colour matched his skin tone and that it would cover up the bits that the concealer was unable to hide. 

So, thats what I did. 

Except, it was RED lipstick. I was having the time of my life! (I cannot write this without dying of laughter).

 I began drawing over his beard until he looked like a maniac! 

After I was done, I was trying so hard to keep my laugh in, so he goes to the mirror and looks. He cannot believe his eyes! 

BUT,

Low and behold, my mother walks in. 

"AMMIINNNNN WHAT IS THIS!" (She shouts in Algerian) 

"ARE YOU TRYING TO TURN HIM INTO A GIRL?"

Swear down, that was the first time where my mum was shouting at me that I couldn't remain serious. 

Basically I died laughing. 

2. When we were younger, I didn't know that there was such a thing as laughing so much you could cry. 

So one day, I was supposed to go to sleep, but my brother was showing me a board and made jokes that for some reason I found hilarious at the time. I can't exactly remember what he was saying or doing.

But I laughed so much, that I started to cry.

But because I didn't have this associative concept that you can laugh and cry, I thought that when you cry, it meant that you were upset. Bearing in mind that I was laughing so much, which reduced me to tears, I was confused.

As soon as a tear fell down my face, I switched, and in 2 seconds I started bawling, and ran downstairs to tell on him for making me cry. LOL

Poor guy didn't know what hit him. Even he looked confused. 

3. One night, me and my brother thought it would be a good idea to sneak downstairs to watch TV because we obviously couldn't get enough of it. So we devised a spectacular plan to wake up when everyone was sleeping, and cover ourselves in a white sheet so no-one could make out who we are. 

WE BOTH FLEW DOWN THE STAIRS, LITERALLY. So we think.

Whenever we tell anyone this story they never believe us, they think we were dreaming, but if it was a dream how could we have the same dream! 

We literally missed all the stairs and floated till we reached the bottom, no joke. 

We were amazing. 

4. This one isn't so much funny to me as it is to my brother. My brother has always come across younger than me. Either he acted younger, or I acted older. Either way, we were going on holiday one day and we sat on an airplane next to each-other, I sat on the seat next to the walk way and he sat on the other side of me. During those times, they would give a special lunch box to every child, that contained, sweets, crisps, toys and books. A dream back then!

My brother was 12 at the time and I was 10, but you couldn't have those lunchboxes beyond a certain age (12). 

Anyway, I was about to sleep when the air hostess comes along and is handing out these lunchboxes for children. 

This lady, comes around and completely misses me out and hands my brother a box. So I sit there waiting patiently for my box, but this lady sees a child behind me and starts giving them the box. So me waiting around patiently, obviously feeling 100% child back then, thought she'd come back for me.

But she never came. 

My brother never shared his box with me, instead he thought it was HILARIOUS. 

I still feel bitter to this day. 

(loljk)

TIME MANAGEMENT

Asalamualaykum Warahmatullah,

Time.

Time is constantly moving. The numbers are the same, the speed is the same.

What differs is us humans, as individuals and how we perceive it. 

I used to think that the saying 'time flies by as you get older' was a literal meaning, but obviously my naivety was clear. 

Lately, however, I do feel that my mind set hinders my ability to do more in a given period of time. 

I am pretty sure that if I allowed myself, that my organisation skills will activate and I could handle more in one go. 

However, my fear of becoming anxious with a heap load of stuff stops me from doing so. 

The idea that if I have too many things going on at once, I wont have enough time to focus and improve on one thing. 

I do need to create a balance.

I do need to make time to do more and stop thinking about the future too much. I need to seize this time by:

Prioritising: If I do have the opportunity to do more, that means prioritising certain situations for another. 

Balance: Make sure to include all aspects of my life without rejecting other areas such as socialising

Doing: Actually saying 'yes' more than 'no' or 'what if..'

Encouraging each others growth is key.

RELATIONSHIP ADVICE FROM A ROOKIE

Asalamualaykum Warahmatullah,

Today I thought it would be interesting to write a few points about relationships and its benefits that I feel is key, from the view point of someone who has never been in a relationship.

Firstly, I'd like to give some background on why I felt to write this.

So many young people who I have spoken to, mainly girls, feel conflicted when it comes to discussing marriage and wanting to be enthusiastic about the prospect. 

Not only does it link with the idea that mothers and fathers are so adamant that their child marries someone from the same country, or the same ethnicity, it also links to the fear that no value is held in loyalty and upholding a relationship. 

Divorce has become such an easy option that in this secular society, partners prefer to live together without the bond of marriage. People no longer want 'one' of something for the rest of their lives. Its this idea of the 'more the better' which is complete rubbish. 

When the dynamic is right, the relationship is right. It all begins with starting off properly. 

(I have this inner fear, that if something starts from the go as haram, then its hard to overcome that obstacle). 

Anyways, here are my top tips for a successful relationship from an outsiders perspective:

Communication: I know this is something that comes up a lot. I believe that if you communicate your feelings without too many barriers then you should both make a conscious effort to communicate and make things better. This is so that you don't end up building up this hatred because the person is doing something that annoys you without them being aware of it. Ill use the example of me and my mother. As I grow older I find it harder to bottle my feelings inside. Obviously there are some things here and there that I would rather not bring up in case of hurting her but overall I would much rather tell her if something is bothering me than keep it in, just so that it can be fixed. 

Compromise: If you feel like you want your partner to engage in something that you feel strongly about, you should 100% be willing to return the favour within reason. If you want a day of the week to be available to take part in something together, then you should also be willing to take part in what your partner wants to do also.

Team: By using the term 'team' I feel as though this links with the idea of trust. Trust in a relationship needs to be solid. It needs to be unbreakable. You need to trust in everything, from how you raise your children, to letting out secrets, to being able to trust that you are the one and only. By being a team with your partner, this means that no matter what comes at you, you will still remain strong. One of the best things I heard a couple say was that when they raise their children, and the child has done something that one parent has strictly forbidden, once they have laid out a punishment they will not turn back on it. 

Understanding: I wouldn't say that I am a romantic, but I would say that the best thing about a strong relationship is this underlying understanding that one has for the other. This sense that you don't have to talk before the other one gets what it is you are feeling or thinking. I feel like on starting a relationship, whether or not extended family or children come into the mix, there should be this set idea that your relationship will last longer than everything and that needs to be stable in order for everything else to succeed. Insha'Allah if we all live to see the day, the children will eventually grow up and leave the nest, but your partner will be the one who remains. So if that relationship is strong, then everything else is strong. 

I don't want to take up more of your time by writing a whole load of other stuff because I do know that a bunch of other factors eventually wheedle their way in and life is not always that dandy. But I feel like sometimes its always nice to acknowledge what it is you want in life (not necessarily about relationships) so that you can live your life in a way that allows things to fit into it.

I often use the example of Islam which is a way of life. 

You need to fit your life to the way of Islam, and not Islam to your way of life. 

5 BENEFITS OF RELIGION

Asalamualaykum Warahmatullah,

As a Muslim who has been raised in the religion I can only speak from this perspective, however, I wouldn't say I am closed minded enough to not know what it must be like to not have a religion and to believe in different things. 

Growing up in a largely non-Muslim area where multi-religions and cultures wasn't prevalent, I could probably say there was a period where I strayed and was lost with regards to what I believe in. 

However, Alhamdullilah I know Islam is the one for me. 

Here are some of the main things about religion that I feel are beneficial to a person:

1. Sense of Belonging: One of the main things I love about religion is that I feel like I belong to a community larger than my immediate friends and family. Being acknowledged in the street by a fellow Muslimah who passes over a smile of mutual understanding fills the heart with joy. Even with the small Muslim community back at home is lovely because although its small, its much more intimate allowing us to all get to know each-other individually and act as though they are extended family.

2. Understanding Your Purpose: Some people would say that their purpose in life is to find happiness, others would say its to live life to its fullest, others would say its to be successful and financially stable. Being religious gives you a life purpose that goes beyond this world and onto the next. Some people who are not religious can be apprehensive towards this idea and feel as though after death is being food for animals. However, being religious allows us to feel like what we do in this life will affect the outcome in the afterlife, which leads to us behaving in a way that we feel is morally correct and calms our souls.

3. Lifestyle and Health: As a Muslim, this one is very important. Our bodies are there for us to look after. As though it is a gift given to us to maintain and take care of, meaning we should not purposefully hurt ourselves, or mark ourselves. We need to look after our bodies and health, be it physical or mental. With regards to lifestyle, being religious allows us to choose a path that does not require damaging our own bodies. For example, trying to avoid drinking alcohol or taking drugs. These are all known habits to affect a persons health, and is also a religious teaching that tells us to avoid harmful substances.

4. We Are Not Alone: I believe that my religion teaches me that I am never 100% alone. Allah is always there, watching me, listening to me and so on. There are times where I walk in the street by myself and have a sense of not being safe, and the first thing I think about is the fact that Allah is there, He will protect me and no-one can harm me without Allah allowing them to do so. Not being by yourself doesn't have to mean in danger but can apply to all occasions.

State of Mind: I feel like being religious, or following a religion or belief gives me a reason to do things. For example, it gives you almost an excuse not to follow social norms with regards to fashion if you feel more comfortable in more modest clothing. It allows us to cover up and not become forced or sucked into these ideology that nudity is better. It gives us a purpose to give to charity, whether thats an incentive to do so or not, whether we think of that or not. It grounds us and makes us remember who we are and that we are not strong and we don't have all the rights in the world to inflict harm on others when we please. It gives us a communal sense of, if someone is hurt then we hurt alongside them.

I believe that there is more to religion that what people nowadays see religion as. Someone from the outside cannot fully know what is going one in the inside and so on. Its like the idea that we 'can't judge a book by its cover'.

When you think of that literally you will know that you cannot assume you know what it is like unless you have found something to truly believe in.

I FEEL RESTRICTED.

Asalamualaykum Warahmatullah, 

Starting my third year of university seemed so daunting during the summer. However, like with everything when you start something you automatically have to take it into your stride. 

It feels as though, time in itself is rushing by, but I have so much I need to get done that getting a clear idea in my head of how to sort it out seems to be difficult. 

It has almost reached the point of me being confused between the restrictions that I am putting on myself regarding my future, and the restrictions that I assume I have from other sources of my life.

I wish I had the magical ability of balancing so many things at once. But that is the one thing that creates chaos and anxiety in my own mind. 

Sometimes I wish I could remove that restriction that I have on myself and just go out and do the things that I want to do. 

It is almost a protection strategy that I have to stop myself from spiralling downwards into my previous mental state.

I don't know what boundaries to push and what boundaries to keep.

I don't know how to make myself motivated and to inspire myself.

But still, time comes, and time goes. 

I will continue to deal with it. 

CALM BEFORE THE STORM

Asalamualaykum Warahmatullah,

Today has been one of those days.

One of those days where you crave peace and change.

Imagining myself on an empty beach far away.

The sand in-between my toes,

The soft breeze across my face.

The sun setting there in the horizon.

The sound of the seagulls searching for food,

The fresh, clean deep breaths of air.

The distant sound of clashing waves.

The plain blue skies blending into the sea.

The reflection of the sun on the water.

The moment of calmness before the storm.

The feeling of recuperation. 

Thats what I need. 

FEAR OF ISLAM

Asalamualaykum Warahmatullah,

For the past few days I have watched two documentaries on BBC iplayer, one called 'Is Britain Racist?' and the other 'We Want Our Country Back'.

There was so much talk about Muslims, especially, are 'taking over' and soon Britain wont be Britain and soon it will be 'Islam'. Not once did they consider the fact that a lot of people who are completely British are the ones reverting to Islam. Why is that the case? 

Another issue that was being raised was this idea that Muslims should go back to their country. 

It is so annoying when people are so ignorant to say that Muslims need to go back to their country as though 'Islam' is a COUNTRY. No. Islam is a RELIGION. How can Muslims living in Britain go back to their country when their country is ENGLAND. 

People are becoming afraid of Islam as the fastest growing religion in the world, and not once have they stopped to ask why it is fast growing? Surely there must be some element of truth. 

But no, instead, all you see is people literally picking at a particular word or phrase that they have just picked out of thin air and use it to jump to conclusions about Islam. 

They pick out phrases so out of context that when they mention it, they sound so ridiculous you almost feel to laugh. 

This ideology that Islam is aggressive, when in fact it literally encapsulates peace is just ludicrous. 

This ignorant speech that people like to talk about because they follow new outlets such as Fox News like its a reliable source of information.

The fact that the people who you see joining clubs such as the EDL are people who have never in their life interacted with a muslim, let alone had a decent conversation with one to even base their radical behaviour on. 

They antagonise people to get a reaction and when they get a reaction that they initially fused, they immediately make it seem as though it was the muslim who was in fault and who is aggressive.

These people almost want to seem important by making it seem as though they are targeted when they're probably deluded into that assumption. 

No-one cares. Why are we even putting people into categories. Why do we need to pinpoint an individuals race or religion.

Why do people have double standards about immigration. They don't want anyone to come to this country yet they feel as though they have the freedom to move elsewhere if they please. 

Mate, that is the same thing. 

I cant even comprehend the absolute ignorance of some people.

I would have more respect for someone who made a conscious effort to learn about Islam inside and out and who find found fault with it after extensive research. Even non-muslims who have read about the Prophet (pbuh) have commented on the fact that Islam is a beautiful religion.

So why are people following these ignorant groups.

Well... I have no words. 

TOP 10 TIPS FOR STARTING UNIVERSITY

Asalamualaykum Warahmatullah,

Starting university or anything after secondary school can be a daunting or exciting experience depending on how you embrace it. 

When I started university I was not in a good place mentally but had to force myself to get on with it.

However, as time passed I began to enjoy university to a certain extent.

 Looking back now on my first and second year, I can definitely say that second year was probably the best year for me in terms of feeling like I belonged. 

Here are my top 10 tips for starting university:

1. Sentimental Items: If you are living out, make sure to take a few items that will make you feel at home and also bring a familiar feel to the place. 

2. Cooking: Make sure you have a few recipes under your belt, the worst thing to do is spend money you don't have every day to have a meal. Although its tempting to eat out, it saves A LOT of money to eat in once in a while. 

3. Organise your time: This depends on who you are, if you prioritise socialising before your work, then you need to be more careful. Have fun but at the same time rule out a few hours a week to make sure that you have caught up on the work required. If you leave everything until the last few weeks of your exam, that becomes unnecessary pressure. However, if all you do is work, then once in a while you need to make time for yourself to go out, to get fresh air, to do something completely different in order to take your mind off. Theres nothing better than having a good day out and coming back ready to face work again.

4. Budget: Not all of us are lucky enough to have a big sum of money come in and to have enough leftovers for massive outings. My advice would be to budget to a certain extent, where you know you wont be left stranded, but at the same time, give yourself leeway so that if an opportunity does arise then you can afford to rule out some money to put towards that. 

5. Attend your lectures: We all eventually get lazy and feel like once we have missed one lecture, the joy is so sweet that we want to miss all of them. All i'm saying is sometimes things will be said in that lecture theatre that is only going to be said once, and you wont find it in any of your readings. 

6. Keep in contact with your family: One of my main fears was that my family will move on and do things without me, but in fact you have to realise that not much may change on their side. Keeping in contact may also spur you on to enjoy your time at university more.

7. Make friends: they always say that if you leave university with at least 3 friends then you are very lucky. The only way you will make friends is to make enough of an effort. You also have to realise that university holds a diverse amount of people, if you don't want to go out to party, you will always find someone else who is not interested in that aspect too. Don't conform to what you see in front of you, rather know that who you are in university is who you are going to be for the rest of your life. 

8. Join a society: For me, this is a questionable piece of advice. Only because, although I had initially joined a lot of societies, I only really stuck by one. If you enjoy certain activities then I would recommend joining them as they a good way to get out and do different things. But from my own experience, I would rather join societies that are actually worth my time, without investing unnecessary amounts of money on random societies.

9. Don't buy every book mentioned: This is one for all the first years. In my first year I bought every book that I thought was needed, instead of renewing a book borrowed from the library. It wasn't that bad of a move because I knew it was my book, however I bought it new from the internet for £60 a piece. I didn't even try other avenues where they were selling the same books for much cheaper. I just straight up bought the books for their originally prices. As long as the book is the one that is recommended you don't need the newest ones out there. Eventually when you want to get rid of them, they're going to sell for less than half the original price anyway.   

10. Social Media: Keep in contact with your classmates, be it via whatsapp groups or other online websites. This will help you to be aware on what is going on, what is new, the events that are happening, people may even share what was told by them via private email. All of it is necessary to make your life that bit easier. 

These are my tips for university. Obviously we all have different experiences, but essentially they are all the same. Just enjoy it. There is no point in complaining about having a bad time, when you want to stay to do the education. Just wait it out for the first few weeks, if you continue to have a bad time then you need to do something about it, however, most of the time you need to wait until the newness has subsided to feel like you can handle anything that comes towards you. Eventually it will become normal.

WHAT FUTURE?

Asalamualaykum Warahmatullah,

Thinking of the future can be very daunting.

I cannot tell you how many times i've changed my mind about what I want to aspire to, its just pressure.

I have to thank God that I am even here, at university, trying to get a degree. 

I remember being in year 11 contemplating my life, looking at my friends who were going to college because it offered their subject choices. But I wanted to go to college for all the wrong reasons.

If it wasn't for my mum putting her foot down, even though I wasn't best pleased at the time, I wouldn't have even gone to university.

Those of you who have reached that age where they are thinking about what they want to do, remember this:

Don't follow your friends. Don't look at what they are doing and want to do the same so that you are not on your own.

Take a moment to think by yourself about what you want the rest of YOUR life to consist of. What do you want your future to be?

Your friends are not going to always be there. They are going to be selfish just like you have to be. 

Every road you take has new people who you will meet, who will become your friends, who will be more like you than you know. 

Keep those relationships that you have built throughout school, but don't let that keep you at a stand still, we all have to grow and stimulate ourselves. 

Trust me, its hard now but once you have made your own decision there is so much satisfaction and hopefully success down that route. 

Don't feel that if you leave your friends that your relationship will fade, no if anything it will get stronger and long lasting. Usually going your separate ways will determine who is more likely to be a friend for life.

In my case, the person who I thought I was least likely to keep in touch with turned out to be the one that I kept most in touch with!

The world works in fantastic ways.

Grab those opportunities. 

LOVE, LUST OR MARRIAGE

Asalamualaykum Warahmatullah,

We live in a society where marriage is either disliked or desperately wanted. 

One of the biggest things that people seek out is wanting to love and be loved. 

This could then lead to marriage more so for security purposes that you are bound to someone.

Others seek out lust, and one night relationships that last for a few hours, or a few days before they move on.

What is more important?

Quantity, or quality.

Personally, I would look more to quality and respect a whole lot more than quantity. 

Its about the long term. 

Imagine you have a whole load of quantity but then want the quality, then what are you left with when you need to prove your commitment. 

Its complicated. 

I believe that marriage isn't bound by love, its bound my Commitment, Compromise, Trust, Communication and Connection. 

Basically four C's and a T. 

Love comes after. 

There is no satisfaction in Lust. 

There is no satisfaction in giving 'your all' to someone who is not loyal.

I find it hard to see people falling madly in love, holding someone so high up that they lose sight of why we are here. 

The people we meet in life are those who we aid and who aid us, who work with us and who we mutually hold up and continue to motivate. 

But they should not be put on a pedestal where they are the only reason for us to live.  

We need to seek something more than that. We need to seek our a partner in life, someone who you want to succeed, to grow with, to enter Jannah (paradise) with. 

We need to want more than this mediocre lust. 

We need to use the full extent of our hearts, minds and souls.

Not expand the holes in our heart. 

WE HAVE GIVEN IN TO TEMPTATION!

Asalamualaykum Warahmatullah,

We are surrounded.

Surrounded by temptation. 

How can we ever escape it?

Temptation is one of the most difficult things to overcome. We have it everywhere! Be it music, TV, social media sites, movies, advertisements, and our daily lives, such as boys, alcohol, drugs, nudity.

Temptation is often not spoken about because of potential taboo topics, but if we don't address it then how do we get tackle it?

I do feel as though lately I have been fighting my soul, I have been making mind over matter, but I understand its difficulty. 

For me, its a matter of finding something about a temptation that is so bad it will make me want to stop. Its about increasing the importance of my faith so it overcrowds any negative temptations. 

One of the worst and hardest things is probably being on the good path, but then something in a split second comes into your head, you give in, and thats it, back to square one.

Honestly, I feel as though Allah is watching over me and is patient. I, as a Muslim have to believe this strongly. Allah is the most patient and the most kind and may He forgive me for my sins. 

I need help, I need motivation, and I need knowledge. 

Temptation is a topic that is suppressed in society. It is neither encouraged nor stopped. Everything and everyone is so sensitive. As though lately boundaries have just been dropped and its everyones human right to do as they please. 

But I cannot believe that. I cannot accept that. 

Without our own internal boundaries what makes us any different to animals who feed off their own instincts. What makes us any cleaner, or purer that ravenous hyenas. 

We need to protect our soul. Those of us who do and do not believe in an afterlife need to do this for ourselves. Purify ourselves. Once you taste the sweetness of faith, patience and Allah,

All we have to do is fight our soul. 

12 HIJABI STRUGGLES.

Asalamualaykum Warahmatullah,

1. Those beautifully uneven tan lines that marks the middle of your face. At least ill know how dark i've become! 
2. Wind is my frenemy. Amazing to cool me down, but terrible when it comes to exposing the pins holding everything together.
3. Hijabi bibs, everyone will know that I have eaten because my hijab loves to save the leftovers. 
4. Pins are your best friends, however, when the material gets stuck, thats goodbye scarf! Also having to deal with the funny comments of 'you stick it in your head!' :O
5. Feeling a sudden exposure when the topic of Islam comes up in class
6. Having to have a hijab ready for when the door suddenly rings. 
7. Having to deal with comments like, 'do you shower and sleep in it?' Were you forced to wear it?
8. Tying your hair or undercap waaay to tight till you have a headache and cannot wait to come home and take it off.
9. Having a green to match your outfight, yet the green is not the right shade.
10. Folding a see-through hijab but the neck still remains on show, takes a bit of mathematic skills.
11. Trying not to create a massive camel hump at the back of the head, my heads already big enough. 
12. Wearing a rucksack only for it to push my hijab up at the back and have it all clumped around my neck!

Haha hope you enjoyed those 12 problems that I could think of, if you have any more feel free to comment! :D 

DO I LOOK FAT TO YOU?

Asalamualaykum Warahmatullah,

One of the things I despise is when people think its okay to comment on other peoples natural look whether they are related to them or not.

What makes YOU think you are better than someone who may not be physically smaller than you? 

What makes YOU think you can point out that clothes may or may not fit that person.

What makes YOU think they're unhealthy?

What makes YOU think that they want to be skinny.

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE. 

I do not understand peoples urge to point out another's body. Why is that important?

Does that mean because i'm bigger that I don't have a personality? 

Does someone with a bigger stomach or bigger legs determine who they are as a person? 

Do you hate me because i'm big?

Im so annoyed by this ideal, especially in certain societies who are always complaining that there are no 'good' people out there, yet they shun people according to their size or facial complexion. 

Don't look down on me because i'm not small, my weight might be my hijab. I don't need guys to holla and call. Im not there for me to be their object of appreciation. I don't need their approval for how I look, i am not there to please them, and what the hell gives them the idea that that is why girls are there? 

Am I being forced to walk down the street and wonder if everyone who walks past me is contemplating my weight, is thinking i'm not good enough because of it?

Are people choosing the wives of their sons to be skinny, and pretty, yet then complain about their daughter in-laws for having an ugly personality when they ignored and didn't consider girls for their deen and education. 

I am the queen of my body, I am its protector, so how I protect it has nothing to do with you. Just because you are unable to appreciate the different shapes and sizes doesn't mean theres anything wrong with me, rather you have some messed up perception of the world. No-one is uniform. 

Who do you think you are. 

You don't know my story, you don't know what I have been through. 

You don't know why I am who I am. 

But my weight is the least of my problems, and so it should be to you.