Asalamualaykum Warahmatullah,
Today I thought it would be interesting to write a few points about relationships and its benefits that I feel is key, from the view point of someone who has never been in a relationship.
Firstly, I'd like to give some background on why I felt to write this.
So many young people who I have spoken to, mainly girls, feel conflicted when it comes to discussing marriage and wanting to be enthusiastic about the prospect.
Not only does it link with the idea that mothers and fathers are so adamant that their child marries someone from the same country, or the same ethnicity, it also links to the fear that no value is held in loyalty and upholding a relationship.
Divorce has become such an easy option that in this secular society, partners prefer to live together without the bond of marriage. People no longer want 'one' of something for the rest of their lives. Its this idea of the 'more the better' which is complete rubbish.
When the dynamic is right, the relationship is right. It all begins with starting off properly.
(I have this inner fear, that if something starts from the go as haram, then its hard to overcome that obstacle).
Anyways, here are my top tips for a successful relationship from an outsiders perspective:
Communication: I know this is something that comes up a lot. I believe that if you communicate your feelings without too many barriers then you should both make a conscious effort to communicate and make things better. This is so that you don't end up building up this hatred because the person is doing something that annoys you without them being aware of it. Ill use the example of me and my mother. As I grow older I find it harder to bottle my feelings inside. Obviously there are some things here and there that I would rather not bring up in case of hurting her but overall I would much rather tell her if something is bothering me than keep it in, just so that it can be fixed.
Compromise: If you feel like you want your partner to engage in something that you feel strongly about, you should 100% be willing to return the favour within reason. If you want a day of the week to be available to take part in something together, then you should also be willing to take part in what your partner wants to do also.
Team: By using the term 'team' I feel as though this links with the idea of trust. Trust in a relationship needs to be solid. It needs to be unbreakable. You need to trust in everything, from how you raise your children, to letting out secrets, to being able to trust that you are the one and only. By being a team with your partner, this means that no matter what comes at you, you will still remain strong. One of the best things I heard a couple say was that when they raise their children, and the child has done something that one parent has strictly forbidden, once they have laid out a punishment they will not turn back on it.
Understanding: I wouldn't say that I am a romantic, but I would say that the best thing about a strong relationship is this underlying understanding that one has for the other. This sense that you don't have to talk before the other one gets what it is you are feeling or thinking. I feel like on starting a relationship, whether or not extended family or children come into the mix, there should be this set idea that your relationship will last longer than everything and that needs to be stable in order for everything else to succeed. Insha'Allah if we all live to see the day, the children will eventually grow up and leave the nest, but your partner will be the one who remains. So if that relationship is strong, then everything else is strong.
I don't want to take up more of your time by writing a whole load of other stuff because I do know that a bunch of other factors eventually wheedle their way in and life is not always that dandy. But I feel like sometimes its always nice to acknowledge what it is you want in life (not necessarily about relationships) so that you can live your life in a way that allows things to fit into it.
I often use the example of Islam which is a way of life.
You need to fit your life to the way of Islam, and not Islam to your way of life.
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